The most unthinkable, unbelievable thing happened today. I was busy finishing firming up our travel plans and had posted to our Dec 2001 group when Patty from New Hope called. The first thing she did was ask if Mark was home. I then knew it was not a good call.
For some reason, which I am not completely sure of, the Huainan orphanage took KaeLynn to the hospital. They said that she was unable to crawl or stand by herself. They did a CT scan of her head and they say that her brain is not "normal." There are abnormalities. I felt like someone had punched me in the chest. The CCAA, our agency's facilitator, Lin, and our agency are recommending we decline Huai Feng He's referral.
We are so heartbroken and sick. We have had this child's pictures for almost one month. We are in love with this baby and now we have to decide if we should take her or not?!
I immediately phoned Mark, who came right home. We did a lot of soul searching and praying. We ultimately decided it would not be fair to our other children to take on a child with unknown handicaps. We have shed so many tears. Now the guilt is setting in. Why shouldn't we take her? But we don't have the resources necessary to care for her...we don't even know what resources we would need!
We phoned our agency back and told them of our decision. They will notify the CCAA and we will have to wait and see if we will be able to travel with our group or have to travel with the next group.
KaeLynn, sweetheart, we love you. You will always be our daughter. The one we didn't get to bring home.
I tried to explain things to RaeAnne this afternoon. She knew something was not right with Mommy and Daddy cause we were crying and hugging and kissing her. I don't think she understands but she knows we were talking about her little sister. We will name another referral something else. KaeLynn holds a special place in our hearts.
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