November 25, 2001

     Mommy is feeling the post DTC depression today.  This is something that seems to hit us parents-to-be after all the scurrying around suddenly stops.  After going great guns for several months then our paperwork is off to China and then now what?!  The nice thing is with Christmas, Daddy's and RaeAnne's birthdays on the way, I should have plenty to keep me busy.  While Daddy kept RaeAnne busy yesterday, I put the Christmas tree up.  Then today I strung the lights on it.  This weekend when Nicholas is here we will put the ornaments on it.  This has been our tradition for the last several years.  It's fun to have the whole family decide how to trim the tree.  RaeAnne has been busy saying Christmas tree each time we walk by it.  When she says it, it doesn't sound like Christmas tree exactly, but we know what she is saying.

     Tomorrow I am putting my application in at Via Christi and Wesley Hospitals.  Time to get back to work.  I wish we had enough money for me to stay at home, but unfortunately we don't.  Besides, it will be good to get out.

November 19, 2001

My birthday!  RaeAnne had her birthday/Christmas photos taken today at Sears.  They came out so cute.  Then Daddy took Mommy and RaeAnne out for a birthday celebration supper.  Mommy is kind of down in the dumps today.  My 43rd birthday and there will be another one pass me by before we have a sibling home for RaeAnne.  The weather was much colder today too.  Sort of my emotions in the air!  RaeAnne was so good today.  She smiled pretty for the pictures and was good until the last one, but by then she was getting pretty tired of sitting.

I was hoping that we would hear something from New Hope about our dossier being sent to China, but no such luck.  Daddy visited with two different couples tonight about our adopting another baby.  He sounds excited.  That makes me happy.  Daddy is always too worried about how old he is.  He always thinks he is too old, but I always try to get him to think "You are as young as you feel."  He is such a good Daddy.  He got Mommy a cell phone for her birthday.  And it is keeping RaeAnne busy tonight so I can write in this!

November 12, 2001

On one of the egroups I belong to, they are predicting that the wait from our dossier being sent to China to referral is going to get longer!  Right now it is usually 12 to 13 months.  They think it could stretch to 18 months!  I sure hope they are wrong, but we will have to be patient.  It would be great if the time would speed up.  I am anxious to get our child home and give them lots of love.  I became impatient Friday and called our agency, New Hope, to ask when we might expect our dossier will be sent to China.  They said due to the new quotas, they wanted to wait until November 21st to send it along with 6 to 9 other families.  That means it will not be logged in until about the first part of December.  It looks like at this time and with the current wait, that my hope of having "KaeLynn" home for Christmas next year will not come true.  Oh well, I know that the right child will be referred to us at the right time.  It is amazing how each child is "matched" with their family.  It is so true with the babies in our first travel group.  And RaeAnne is so meant for our family.  So I will keep busy until the call comes, telling us that RaeAnne is a big sister and I am once again a Mommy.

November 09, 2001

The purpose of the journal is to keep track of the emotions and my wishes for my two children.  In hindsight, I wish I had done this during the long process and wait for RaeAnne.  My hope is that RaeAnne and "whom ever her sibling from China is" will share this book.

We have requested another girl from China, but sometimes people have been referred boys!  I have wondered about how we will handle the news if we are offered a boy.  We have picked names for a boy or a girl, so I guess we will see.

When we began the long road "journey" for RaeAnne, I was very excited about becoming a Mommy.  Very rarely did I doubt my abilities of being a good Mom.  That is until we received our referral.  Then after seeing that beautiful little face, I started thinking "Can I be the kind of Mother she deserves?"  It didn't help being an "older" Mom.  All my friends who's children were already grown up kept saying "You don't know what you are getting yourself in to!"  I started responding back to them with "So would you relive your life without your kids?"  Of course, they always say "No!"

We started researching adoption on the internet, March 1999, after about one month we chose China.  The main reason was the children from China are usually very healthy.  In Russia we found out that they drug the babies to keep them quiet.  Another reason, they are usually under one year of age.  This was something important to me.  I wanted to know our child from the earliest in their life that I could.  I wanted and needed to experience diapers, bottles, and all the wonderful things that go along with motherhood!

RaeAnne turned 9 months old just two days after being placed in our arms!  My wish had come true!  I am a Mommy!  RaeAnne is a wonderful baby.  She is always happy and loves new adventures.  Our travel group named her "the Happy Baby!"  This continues even today.  She started to get cranky sometimes when she doesn't get her way, but she will be two in December.